Liar, liar, pantsuit on fire.

There are plenty of news outlets that have done some fact checking on Sarah Palin's new book "Going Rogue." But every one of them seems to have missed her biggest misrepresentations and outright lies. Fortunately for you, we have them in a list for easy digestion.

#5 - Stars (And Stripes) In Her Eyes

Sarah Palin is one patriotic woman. There's no doubt what colors she bleeds. She also maintains that she found patriotism before it was cool.

My first clear memory of school was when my kindergarten teacher wheeled a black-and-white television into the classroom so we could watch American astronauts land on the moon. The lunar landing had happened in July 1969, before school started, but even watching taped images of an American walking on the moon stirred in me an overwhelming pride in our country-that we could achieve something so magnificent. A similar feeling stirred in me as my class recited the Pledge of Allegiance. I felt proud and tall as we pledged on our hearts every morning.

[p. 14-5]

The claim on the table is that, in kindergarten, she felt moved by the greatness of America while saying the Pledge of Allegiance. The pledge has the word "Indivisible" in it. I still don't know what that means. "Liberty and justice" are concepts that scholars still debate. But as a kindergartner you were proud of what America stood for? No. You felt "proud and tall" because you remembered the words. End of story. 

#4 - Clique-tastic

According to her own legend, Sarah Palin paid her way through college largely on winnings from beauty pageants. And yet she only joined the Miss Wascilla competition after being pushed into it by friends and family. She would never have tried on her own; she just wasn't the type. But exactly what type was she?

Then, on the drive home in his Mustang, he tried to kiss me for the first time. But the truth was, I was a never-really-been-kissed nerd. As soon as Todd hit my driveway, I jumped out of the car, scared to death that this suave worldly guy that I was crazy about would find out what a wallflower I was.

[p. 39]

Only in political memoirs (and Drew Barrymore star vehicles) would someone need to use the phrase never-really-been-kissed. Either you've been kissed or you haven't. But okay, you're a nerd. That's fine.

I was a jock and quite square, not a pageant-type girl at all. I didn't wear makeup in high school and kept my hair short because I didn't like wasting time primping.

[p. 42]

Oh, I see. You were a jock. My mistake.

That's why I poured my heart into the responsibilities of Seat E. Maybe the nerd in me kicked in again, but I made it my business to know every line item in the budget, to review every word of proposed regulations and ordinances, and to really know my constituents' concerns.

[p. 68]

Right. Nerd all the way.

A cheerleader? I thought. Come on, don't insult cheerleaders like that. I was just a jock and I couldn't hold a candle to their pep and coordination.

[p. 79]

Yes. Definitely a jock. In fact, I think this sentence is too deferential to cheerleaders for you to even pretend to be a nerd.

I was broke. I was nerdy. I played the flute.

[p. 37]

That's it. I'm done with you. You can't be a nerd and a jock at the same time. You're in your own clique from now on: the dumbs.

#3 - Government Intervention

Hi. My name is Governor Palin and I hate government.

Isn't Facebook a terrific illustration of the power of American ingenuity? Facebook was created in a Harvard dorm room in 2004. No one gave its young creator a government grant-he just did it on his own, like generations of other American entrepreneurs.

And here we have the president and his party telling us that the American system is broken and it's the government's job to fix it. What better refutation of the argument could there be than an innovation like Facebook, which sprang up out of nowhere and virtually overnight became a powerful tool for communication, commerce, and political action.

[p. 400]

Uh, Sarah? Funny thing. You see, actually somebody did give him a grant. Well, not a grant so much as some classmates paid Mark Zuckerberg to create Facebook. Zuckerberg then stole the code and made a bunch of money. So yes, I do think Facebook is a great example of American ingenuity. And just for fun, let's think about where Facebook lives. On the Internet, right? And where did the Internet come from? No, Sarah, God didn't create it. The Government did. Boom. Served.  And lastly, Facebook isn't a powerful tool for "communication, commerce, and political action."  It's a powerful tool for Farmville.  That's about it.

#2 - Money Doesn't Grow On Trees

One of the most dangerous words to use is "only." Especially when you're as uncreative as Sarah Palin.

Where is all of this money going to come from? It can come from only three places. Government borrows it, government prints it, or government taxes the people for it.

[p. 389]

Fortunately, we're much more creative than she is. Here are some other places our government can get money:

• Government finds it in a paper bag under a park bench
• Government steals it
• Government retrieves it from sunken pirate ships
• Government sells something that's too much of a hassle (we're looking at you, Alaska)

#1 - Just How Big Is Piper Palin?

Hang on to your hats, this one could get a bit nerdy (or, if you're name is Sarah, jocky). Mrs. Palin spent a good deal of time trying to defend herself against accusations of misusing state funds to bring her kids to state functions.

Sometimes we could hop on the state's prison transport plane, the King Air, and zip somewhere to attend one of the many First Family events we were constantly being invited to. It wasn't as though they were bumping anyone--the seats were empty, and it was usually only Piper displacing forty pounds of air on this old state aircraft.

[p. 365]

As any good physics student knows, you don't displace weight, you displace volume. Since air is about 800 times less dense than a human body (which is roughly equivalent to the density of water), 40lbs of air has 800 times the area of an equivalent human. Piper must be carrying a lot of balloons on board that plane when she travels to displace 534.138 cubic feet of air. Plus, if she did, there'd be no room for Nicholas Cage or John Malkovich, as the Palins are clearly flying on Con Air. Myth busted.

-Alex & Ezra