Read it and Weep is a good podcast about bad books, movies, and TV. Tune in every week when three friends and a guest chew up something terrible and spit out something funny. We suffer so you don't have to!
The Monster Squad
Left Behind 2014
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In case we didn’t do a great job of describing the alien creature with sword hands inside Drew Barrymore, here are the two posing together.
TextAll New Guest Review! 10/07/14
(Every so often we have guests who write reviews of stuff that is interesting, funny, or otherwise noteworthy. Here’s the most recent one, from friend of the show Melda!)
“Rubber” by Quentin Dupieux: Not a Movie About a Condom
Alright, I’m going to be honest, based on Netflix’s description of this movie, I thought it was going to be bad. I was fully prepared to groan and sigh and turn my forehead red with repeated face-palming but, to my surprise, I liked it. It was confusing and sometimes ridiculous but, I didn’t feel like I wasted eighty-two minutes of my life. (Honestly what more can we ask for here on the Read It And Weep blog?)
So if the movie’s not about a condom what else could it be about? An eraser, an elastic band, or maybe a car tire? Your generic car tire, separated from its brethren and abandoned in the California desert. But you soon find out that this is no ordinary car tire. This is the little tire that could. A sentient tire. A tire that can kill you with its brain. Frankly, I’m surprised Stephen King didn’t think of this first.
In case you’re confused (as I was), here’s a brief summary of the plot. The movie starts out with a policeman climbing out of the trunk of a car and informing us about the principal of “no reason” and how life is full of things that happen for “no reason.” Then a group of people standing in the desert are told to look into the distance with binoculars to watch the “film.” Just when you start to think this movie is a waste of time, the tire wakes up. It attempts to pull itself from the sand to prepare for another rough day of being a tire. Then he immediately flops back down to sleep for another five minutes, just like when I’m trying to get ready for school on a Monday morning. Robert the tire (that’s his name in the credits) is immediately relatable. And then Robert’s adventure begins. He watches a man confused by a pay phone, visits a motel to spy on a girl showering, is rude to cleaning staff, witnesses a funeral pyre built of the carcasses of other car tires, and finally falls prey to the long arm of the law during a stakeout operation involving a mannequin made to look like his love interest.
Oh right, before I forget: Robert the tire has a body count of at least 23. There’s a time skip of three days in which fifteen dead people are shown but really there could be more casualties and we would never know. Tires are ruthless. He claims the lives of a bunny, a scorpion, the motel maid, the motel owner, the final member of the audience, and many more innocent people by vibrating until their heads explode.
As compelling as Robert is, there are other characters in the movie who really add life to this perplexing yet classic story. There’s Chad (played by Stephen Spinella, the policeman who is somehow both controlling the story and playing a part in it), an accountant (who likes to ride his bike in desert sand and sacrifices a turkey), and the aforementioned final member of the audience (he’s moved by Robert’s adventure and is smart enough to know that the turkey is a trap).
The movie ends with Robert and his tire army rolling off into the sunset (with the song “Sunsetire” from the official soundtrack playing). And as the credits roll, you’re left wondering what in the hell you just watched, until you remember the words of Chad and that sometimes movies are made for no reason. And sometimes you watch them for no reason. But there’s always a reason you enjoy them, even if it was that one scene where a teenager puts the pieces of a blown up crow on the motel owner’s pizza.
Melda R is a Guest Contributor to Blog It and Weep. She enjoys writing, good TV, and improbable desserts but please do not ask. You can check out her stuff at http://courteouswall.tumblr.com/.
What most movies about the rise and fall of musicians lacked until now was a powerful anti-sex message. Fortunately, the latest Christian epic The Song—as in the Song of Songs, as in the Song of Solomon, as in the Bible at its sexiest—is here to fill that hole in the universe.
When there’s a new silly religious movie, The Portland Mercury makes Alex watch it.
#TBT (on Friday).
From our Audible Ad in episode #80 called “Space Shark Origins.” The evil Dr. Blickenstaff (who created Space Shark) explains why he hates mustaches.
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