A mysterious manuscript has surfaced in Peru.  No, it’s not the 8th Harry Potter book, it’s some kind of religious text written by the ancient Mayans.  Does it give us insight into this lost culture? Does it predict the end of the world? Nope and nope.  It’s the first written example of long-winded hippies.

The Mayans wrote their ancient text, inexplicably, in Aramaic, the language of movies about Jesus.  It’s broken down into 9 “insights” that range from “be nice to each other” to 1960s psycho babble about power dynamics in relationships to claims that vegetables are more nutritious if we love them harder.  The Celestine Prophecy follows a couple of interchangeable characters as they search for these insights and measure each other’s energy.  Every once in a while the Peruvian government shows up and kills people.

If this book actually existed, it would be completely uninteresting.  But it doesn’t.  Instead, this is a book about people reading a philosophical work and agreeing with it to each other.  It’s so boring, there’s only one reason anybody would read it… because a hot chick asked them to (or in our case, a guy asked us to read it so he wouldn’t have to and could still talk to his hot chick about it).  We’re here to help.