As is typical with terrible books, the movie adaptation of Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer is an improvement on its source material.  They significantly toned down the baby-dating, wife-swamping aspects of the book and  focused on pretty visuals like a wedding in the woods and an island off Brazil.

Breaking Dawn Part 1 follows Bella Swan (the constipated Kristen Stewart) as she turns from an annoying teenager into a sex-crazed teenager, then into a pregnant skeleton, and finally into a pair of vampire eyes.  During this transition,  her ex-boyfriend/kiss-rapist Jacob Black (the triangular Taylor Lautner) leaves his pack of dog-people and puppy guards Bella until he sees the demon baby and decides (in a totally non-creepy way) that he must be it’s body guard forever.

The movie succeeds in being less crazy and even has a couple of manufactured near-action sequences that make it more entertaining that the book.  But if you’re looking for a movie without K Stew and Robert Nipple Hair in it, you’ll have to go somewhere else.