There is a planet in a distant solar system called Krull.  It seems to have 12 residents including a giant spider lady, a cyclops, a magician, a kid, a couple old people, and a young king.  And yet, The Beast wants to take it over.  Maybe to mine it for its main resources: loneliness and sets made out of foam.

Krull is a light saber in the stone epic, following the story of Prince Colwyn who gets promoted to king after his whole family is slaughtered on his wedding day.  His army has only swords and the enemy has laser guns, so it seems like they’re doomed but then an old man from the hills tells him about the Glaive, a magical spikey frisbee that can only be wielded by a true king.

Then a road trip movie ensues as Colwyn meets some wacky characters and tries to find a castle that teleports every morning.  He does get there and kills the beast (Kill the beast!  Kill the beast!) and it turns out his wife can control fire with her mind, and boom.  Everything is happy in the kingdom.  Except that it’s still a shit hole and nobody would ever want to govern it.

Thanks to Blair for sponsoring this episode!