A long time ago in director’s head that is far far away from where it should be, George Lucas permanently marred his masterwork by adding the first of three unbelievably awful movies to the beginning of it. It was a sad, sad day.
Episode 1 starts with a trade federation dispute (exciting!). Two jedis are sent to sit in a conference room because apparently they are a cheap resource. Some ridiculous antics later we’re introduced to the two most annoying characters in movie history: Jar Jar Binks and Anakin Skywalker. Although Jar Jar is credited with ruining the franchise, Anakin is at least as annoying and everything else in the movie sucks too.
Blah blah blah queen votes for no confidence, jedis stop the droid invasion, WHOA A DOUBLE SIDED LIGHTSABER, and then something about the kid being a jedi because of a genetic condition. This movie is so bad my brain is melting.
PODCRAWL 2013!
This is not a trilogy we could suffer alone, so we enlisted the help of our 2nd and 3rd favorite bad-movie podcasts (behind ourselves). Finish the podcrawl:
Episode II as reviewed by Flophouse (featuring RiaW guest Dan McCoy).
Week of November 18: Episode III as reviewed by Proudly Resents (featuring RiaW guest Adam Spiegleman).
Padame, was like fourteen when she was elected Queen. So she was only like four to six years older than Anikan.
I don’t think that’s any less gross. 14 year-old and an 8 year-old? Nope. You don’t get to sleep with your baby sitter.
You know what would’ve improved this movie? Space Shark. Well, the movie still would’ve sucked, but at least we have something positive to talk about.
I’d be shocked if there wasn’t a sharky alien somewhere in the Star Wars universe.
Palpatine’s entire plan through the prequels is to play tug of war so hard with the jedi that when he lets go of the rope, the jedi fall down. If, at any point, the rope had slipped from the jedis’ hands, the plot would have failed.For example, if he didn’t know the old chancellor was sending jedi, how was he gonna get the queen off the planet to call for no confidence? If he got his way and forced her to sign the treaty, he’d then lose his leverage for a sympathy vote.Did Lucas really make Amidala a queen in the first movie simply so that people would assume she’s Princess Leia’s mom? Also, if Amidala is an elected queen, are you telling me that an entire planet voted a teenager to be queen? Is there something seriously wrong with them?!? Is he confusing an election for head of state with a beauty pageant?
Also, since Padme Amidala Naberrie, the elected queen, is probably the most famous person on the planet, if she’s gonna pretend to be her handmaiden, she should call herself by that handmaiden’s name, not her own. That way no one says, “Hey, where did Sabe go?” When Sabe is pretending to be the queen. And no one will say, “So, you have the same first name as the queen? And you’re her handmaiden?” What a weird co-incidence. That must get awfully confusing.” Just kidding: Everyone there is at must just indulging her when she pretends she’s not the queen dressed as a commoner.
I love how this movie is like Muppet Babies where every single character has a descendant that is related to the future story.
I love this type of podcast. I’m a huge fan of How Did This Get Made, and in the interest of finding podcasts like that, I found The Flophouse, and then you guys.Now, I’m sure I’m going to be taken to task for this, as it ought to be seen as an insult to your…intelligence (?), but Red Letter Media does a review of all three films that is so smart and funny that it should be illegal.
It is thanks to this Podcrawl that I found you guys. I’ve been a Flophouse fan for quite a while now and once I got to their portion of the podcrawl I heard about you guys. I’ve been listening to your backlog and after what has to be almost a month I’ve finally gotten to this episode again. I love you guys! I can’t wait to finally get to the current episodes. Keep up the awesome work!