Every fantasy book set in the future has too much explaining to do. But because that wasn’t enough for Piers Anthony, his book Split Infinity has two different worlds and even more explaining. And, because Piers has never talked to a woman, the main character bangs a unicorn and a sex robot.

Stile is a man caught between two worlds. On Proton he’s a jockey with a robot girlfriend who’s the master at The Game, a competition that could involve anything from Tiddlywinks to wildlife photography. On the other planet (sadly not called Neutron) he’s a poet/magician with a unicorn girlfriend. In both worlds, he’s a douche.

We brought on David “The Wolf” Gborie to help us figure out whether Piers Anthony was, in fact, an asshole. We’re leaning towards yes. We also explained where true magic comes from and what “hooping” means. We’re sorry for the latter. And happy Paper Anniversary to Cyrus and Tara!