Hidden in the depths of FBI headquarters in Quantico, VA is a highly specialized team of agents. Instead of focusing on crimes, they focus on getting into the minds of criminals who they refer to as “unsubs” because they want to have a “thing.”

Or, counter theory, they’re not really FBI agents and Criminal Minds is a show about a team of conmen who vigilante around the country in their private jet.

Either way, the team all gets in scrapes and has nerdy fun solving unnecessarily gross crimes. It’s procedural. It’s fine. I guess it’s fine. It’s fine, right?